Those cuddle parties remind me of the person in any cocktail party who leans too close to you when talking, and who within five minutes of introduction has already described himself as an "adult child of alcoholic parents," eyes gleaming with the joy of imparting too much information too quickly.
Wouldn't it be nice to have a party with couples that are friendly and mellow? A low-key atmosphere where you can explore your most sensual fantasies with other aware sensitive couples? Where you can bring someone you care about without embarrassment? Privacy, good food and music, refreshments, cleanliness, and a super jacuzzi too... that's what parties at the A-Frame are all about.
/unlurk
I am celibate, and I have been so for many years. The first thing I'll say right off: It's not going to kill you, or even hurt you. It is a lifestyle constraint like vegetarianism or not owning a car, like eschewing alcohol or not seducing your students. It has certain challenges, true, but then so does vegetarianism when you're craving fried pork chops.
So how do you stop thinking about how good pork chops taste? I can smell one frying right now....
I see from your question that you recognize the mental nature of the challenge. How can you retain concentration? How can you remain confident and positive? It is a mental challenge. Anything that buttresses your spirit will help.
Address the needs of the body. Think of your urge for release as a physical requirement for well-being, much like flossing or showering. Go ahead and relieve yourself daily, without judgement - just take care of it and move on. Proper nutrition and regular exercise, too, will make your body stronger, and within that stronger body you will find a more resilient will. Mens sana in corpore sano. More there in a moment.
You do have a need to be touched that is probably equal to your sex drive. Satisfying this can be awkward if you're really hung up about not getting any, but hugging a dog, petting a cat, or grooming a horse can provide some of that comforting mammal-mammal contact. If you desire a massage but fear embarrassment from the gallant reflex, masturbate to exhaustion prior to the encounter. Or receive massages only from a male therapist (assuming that you're male and heterosexual - adjust accordingly if otherwise). It will become less awkward over time as you strengthen and your coping skills grow.
Speaking generically about coping, talking can be a great way to borrow others' strength and vent your own feelings. (Didn't work for me, but I'm special.) Counseling is only as good as the particular therapist-client chemistry makes it - feel free to discard as many therapists as you like until you find a combination that makes you comfortable. It might work for you, and it might not.
Despite the example of religious asceticism, I didn't find stationary meditation helpful. Exercise-based meditation can be very helpful, flooding your brain with signals to wash away that lingering unfucked feeling. Either can lead to a mastery that will strengthen your will over this temporary affliction of your body. Because you want to be strong enough to be able to stand outself of yourself when you're feeling particularly unfucked. While lust assails the body, you calmly observe. Or at least you deal, and quickly recover.
The strongest challenge that you face is social. You are surrounded by a sexual society - will you let it make you feel worse about yourself? How many times will it remind you of what you are missing? Will this weaken you? Eventually you will ride this sexual tension as if you were on a surfboard. While you're learning, though, you may need to temper your experiences. Are there awkward situations that you'd do well to avoid? Stimuli that make you miserable? Study your own feelings.
It all gets easier with time. Not only does your will strengthen with practice, but as you age, your body becomes less insistent. Hopefully however you won't have to remain on this ride for too long.
Finally, since you don't really have to be celibate, perhaps you could visit a professional once a year. On your birthday. Can you save enough over a year to afford a single session? Might make a big difference if you could look forward to that annual special treat pork chop. (Or it might undo all of the will strengthening that is the core of my own discipline. I don't know.)
Isn't the Net marvelous? I hope you can extract something of value from this ramble. Luck to you.
Those cuddle parties remind me of the person in any cocktail party who leans too close to you when talking, and who within five minutes of introduction has already described himself as an "adult child of alcoholic parents," eyes gleaming with the joy of imparting too much information too quickly.
See you there!posted by Samurai Cat 19 years ago
Bacon tastes goood. Pork chops taste goood.
posted by Samurai Cat 19 years ago
/unlurk I am celibate, and I have been so for many years. The first thing I'll say right off: It's not going to kill you, or even hurt you. It is a lifestyle constraint like vegetarianism or not owning a car, like eschewing alcohol or not seducing your students. It has certain challenges, true, but then so does vegetarianism when you're craving fried pork chops. So how do you stop thinking about how good pork chops taste? I can smell one frying right now.... I see from your question that you recognize the mental nature of the challenge. How can you retain concentration? How can you remain confident and positive? It is a mental challenge. Anything that buttresses your spirit will help. Address the needs of the body. Think of your urge for release as a physical requirement for well-being, much like flossing or showering. Go ahead and relieve yourself daily, without judgement - just take care of it and move on. Proper nutrition and regular exercise, too, will make your body stronger, and within that stronger body you will find a more resilient will. Mens sana in corpore sano. More there in a moment. You do have a need to be touched that is probably equal to your sex drive. Satisfying this can be awkward if you're really hung up about not getting any, but hugging a dog, petting a cat, or grooming a horse can provide some of that comforting mammal-mammal contact. If you desire a massage but fear embarrassment from the gallant reflex, masturbate to exhaustion prior to the encounter. Or receive massages only from a male therapist (assuming that you're male and heterosexual - adjust accordingly if otherwise). It will become less awkward over time as you strengthen and your coping skills grow. Speaking generically about coping, talking can be a great way to borrow others' strength and vent your own feelings. (Didn't work for me, but I'm special.) Counseling is only as good as the particular therapist-client chemistry makes it - feel free to discard as many therapists as you like until you find a combination that makes you comfortable. It might work for you, and it might not. Despite the example of religious asceticism, I didn't find stationary meditation helpful. Exercise-based meditation can be very helpful, flooding your brain with signals to wash away that lingering unfucked feeling. Either can lead to a mastery that will strengthen your will over this temporary affliction of your body. Because you want to be strong enough to be able to stand outself of yourself when you're feeling particularly unfucked. While lust assails the body, you calmly observe. Or at least you deal, and quickly recover. The strongest challenge that you face is social. You are surrounded by a sexual society - will you let it make you feel worse about yourself? How many times will it remind you of what you are missing? Will this weaken you? Eventually you will ride this sexual tension as if you were on a surfboard. While you're learning, though, you may need to temper your experiences. Are there awkward situations that you'd do well to avoid? Stimuli that make you miserable? Study your own feelings. It all gets easier with time. Not only does your will strengthen with practice, but as you age, your body becomes less insistent. Hopefully however you won't have to remain on this ride for too long. Finally, since you don't really have to be celibate, perhaps you could visit a professional once a year. On your birthday. Can you save enough over a year to afford a single session? Might make a big difference if you could look forward to that annual special treat pork chop. (Or it might undo all of the will strengthening that is the core of my own discipline. I don't know.) Isn't the Net marvelous? I hope you can extract something of value from this ramble. Luck to you.
posted by Samurai Cat 19 years ago
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